"Panic. " Please. Jesus. Just give it to me clean. I don't deserve this. Are you getting it clean? Are you on it?" Why are you so concerned about me? " Annoyance? Or just taunting? " You should be thinking about yourself and your friends. It can go easy, or it can go hard ... for any one of you." Don't try to fucking manipulate me. " Sobbing. " You've already got me."Silence."It's been hard on you, I know. You're certainly the smartest of your classmates. You had more sense, right from the beginning." Flattery now? What the fuck is this?" Not flattery. Truth. And now for the kick in the teeth. It's always more amusing ... it's always more rewarding when I'm doing this to someone with a brain in her head. I had to be careful early on with your friends, so that you wouldn't be too alarmed ... just concerned enough to come along to look after them..." When did you get like this? You weren't always like this." Sure, they knew about the chasers. That's all they knew about ... that was all. The fourth date was horse back riding: one of her passions. I had not been on a horse in 35 years, so we went slow, around a track. She was a great coach, as encouraging towards me as she was with her daughter playing soccer. We finished the ride in Griffith Park, and then returned to the track, where she finished riding by herself at different paces, not needing caution anymore. I grew profoundly jealous of the horse: she was having so much fun on it, she had such control of it. I wanted to get back on my horse, let it run away with me, and let her rescue me. The fifth date was dinner at my house: five courses. We began at 7:30 p.m. and were still eating and finishing our bottle of wine at 10:30 p.m. Dessert came in two courses: first fruit–strawberries, kiwi, raspberries, mango. Then chocolate wickedness. When she took her first bite, there were no words: just a look–savoring, lingering, luxuriating in the taste, then another spoonful, savored more slowly, then the spoon tongued.
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