“Would you like a coffee, Len?” she asked.With the social essentials completed we sat near each other on the couch. “How much has Miranda explained?” I asked.“You’re looking for an experienced mother to be your concubine. You get two, and the last time I talked to Miranda, you hadn’t picked anyone.”“I still haven’t. I’m looking for an older mother and a younger woman. Very boring and conventional really.”“Conventional usually works well. That’s why it’s conventional.”A reasonable point, I thought. “I assume you know what I want from you: sex, babies and childcare.” She nodded. “What do you want from me?”“Obviously I want to get away from the aliens. Beyond that I want to be a housewife. I’m very traditional, unlike Miranda, so I want to cook, clean, look after the children and look after my man.”“Look after... ?” I asked.“Ummm ... sex basically. Since my husband left I miss the sex. I’d like to have a permanent man. I don’t do short term relationships.”“Why did your husband leave?” A. She can go and live with the Wanker now.’ ‘What about you’re children, they need their mother and father.’ ‘I don’t know Dad? I haven’t had time to think anything out yet. Look I’ve been faithful in this marriage, it’s Sue that’s been putting it about. Ask her you’re bloody silly questions not me.’ My parents really loved Susan, they had always thought that the sun shone out of her arse and I began to get the nasty impression that I was going to finish up as the villain of this piece. Susan turned up home around lunchtime on Saturday. She must have thought that an attack was the best form of defence, as she came storming into the house and went straight into a verbal attack on me. As I expected my folks said very little and if anything took Sue’s side. Sue demanded to know why I left her on the A303 when the police arrested Gary. ‘Well if you had driven home at lunchtime as you told your sister you were going to do, instead going to the MotorLodge to shag that prick Wilson all.
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