”“Went up his ass,” Tommy said all innocent like.“Did it heck as like,” said Inspector, “It went in all reet but it missed his ass hole, fact is he got two ass holes now.”“No, you’re joking!” Tommy gasped.“Fucking surgeon at Railway Hospital hated the fat fucker so he made wound into second ass hole,” the inspector laughed, “He told Ted he coud have new career in Circus as the man we two asses!”“Bloody hell,” says Tommy, “I suppose he would rather have two cocks?” he suggested.“Not that bugger!” Inspector added.Tommy was fascinated be Doncaster works, he saw engine with coach connection on Tender, “What’s that for?” he asked.“So driver can get a pint from buffet car when he’s parched,” Inspector told him.As lick would have it Ted got septicaemia and died, poor bugger ‘adn’t no one, no family or nowt so he has a paupers funeral and the union paid for undertakers and for the best second hand coffin pawn brokers had in stock out of members subs.Funeral day and four blokes took some. ’ ‘That one they said they found the grave robbers at?’ ‘Yup, apparently he was with them, helping to guide them to the important things’ ‘Are you sure? Well I heard he found a room that was still booby trapped and that’s how he died.’ ‘That’s not what I heard, I heard that he sent one of his own men in and they died. And he heard about their finds all from the safety of his tent. One of his men betrayed him and said the room was all clear.’ ‘That’s what I heard, and that they left one of the men’s bodies in there and that it upset him so much he set off another trap they had left.’ Carl frowned as he sipped his coffee trying to focus on his morning paper. Yup, that would be Tom alright. The man had never dealt with anything that hadn’t been over 1,000 years old. Anything that was fresh and still ‘gooey’ as he had called it would have greatly upset him. Carl sighed and poured the last dregs of his coffee on to the grass nearby and folding his paper up he collected his things, not.
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