Family. And me. But I was out. It scared me to think of my space getting filled. It wasn’t as if my seat was reserved. From here to wherever the hell her life was headed, the seat next to her was empty and my name wasn’t on it. I couldn’t bear the thought of there being somebody else. Maybe there already was. Maybe that was why she was drinking fucking beer from a can and laughing. She looked too good. Way too good. Her teeth were too white for someone who drank so much coffee, and her eyes were too alive for someone who stayed up so late. I had memories of pretending to be asleep, watching as she scrawled things in her endless collection of notebooks. She’d never let me read them cover to cover like I wanted but sometimes she’d give me a quick glance at a page. Ideas, stories, recipes, poetry, pictures. It didn’t make any sense but it felt powerful, like some strong, serene secret. Things that only she would ever know or understand. People are unique, people are incredible but I’d. I had too much todrink.” I roll over and sit up, pulling the sheettighter around my nakedness. I am aware that Carlo issitting up beside me now, making no attempt to coverhimself as he lights a cigarette.“It’s okay, Mom,” she says, a tint of withheld gigglescoloring her words. “Carlo put a little something inyour drink when the two of you were at the bar. Justsomething to relax you.” I notice now that she ispartially undressed, panties and bra, garter-belt andhose, and incongruously, there is a lei around her neck.“Something in my drink?” I say. “Why?”“Just something to relax you,” she says again. “You arerelaxed, aren’t you Mom?” My daughter is shimmeringhair, and the magic gleam of moonlight dancing inamethyst eyes. She rises and moves to stand close besidethe bed, her eyes still holding mine. “Carlo? Why don’tyou leave us alone for just a while?” I can feel the bedmove as he.
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