-Phyllis DillerWhat I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.-Phyllis DillerThe only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis DillerHis finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis DillerOld age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis DillerMy photographs don't do me justice -they just look like me.-Phyllis DillerI admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.-Phyllis DillerTranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis DillerI asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis DillerThe reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis DillerYou know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis DillerBest senior pick up line:A very elderly gentleman, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.He was. .. been doing more work out of town. It’s what you have to do for business, I guess. I keep busy with the kids and my own work.”“Let me know if there’s anything you need help with.”Tracy smiled. “Thanks, Brad. You’re always such a sweetie.”After that, Tracy seemed to leave the curtains open and the lights on in her bedroom frequently. Brad had a partial view into the bedroom, and more than once observed that she took her time in dressing and undressing. It was not an overt display, and he couldn’t see a great deal, but he definitely watched. And he would lust, and he would masturbate for Tracy.One of Brad’s main forms of exercise was to take long, brisk walks along a trail in a nearby park. It was nearly summer, and the day was warm, and he strode along just loose shorts (with nothing underneath, for comfort) and an old button-front sport shirt. After a while he decided to let the air in and unbuttoned his shirt, letting it flap around him as he walked, drying the sweat on his upper.
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